my mom's musings on marriage
These are my mom's musings on marriage copied from her website
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Marriage: Standing in the need of prayer!
There are so many marriages that have reached
CRITICAL.
At least four couples I know, are having problems in their marriage. Last night as I lay in bed trying to go to sleep, I couldn't help but ponder and lift up each couple in prayer. They are not dealing with a little problem, but rather a stack of seemingly insurmountable problems that creapt in between the
love of their life.
But how does it fall apart?
Now, I certainly don't know all the circumstances, but I was praying and asking God to work, bringing each spouse to a place where they were willing to communicate with each other. Communication with respect is a key element in any relationship. Giving each other time to talk without belittling or getting angry is a good start.
Communication has to happen for the next important element in marriage to take place; that of forgiveness. Forgiveness is so essential. Without it, you only leave room for bitterness. No one benefits from anger turned to bitterness. The Bible tells us that this gives Satan a stronghold in our life. We can do enough damage ourselves without inviting THE Deceiver to work against us. This ripples out to wound all we hold dear, our children (young or grown), our grandchildren, our neighbors, our friends, our church, and our witness. No problem is worth wounding so many we hold dear, especially, our LORD, who already gave HIS all for us.
The third element you need in marriage is a sense of humor. Nothing can diffuse anger like laughter. I often tell my husband that is the reason I married him, for his humor. Laughter adds balance to our lives. It helps us not to take life too seriously. The Psalmist said, "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine."
Now, God tells us when we are joined in marriage, that we are to LEAVE and CLEAVE. Leave our childhood ties to parents, siblings, etc., and to cleave to our mate. This has to take place emotionally as well as physically. As a wife, my husband comes first after God, then my children, then church, work... As a wife, it's my job to lift up my husband, never doing anything that would make him look bad. (even to the point of making sure his clothes are clean and wrinkle free, Ladies it doesn't say much about us, either! )
These thoughts seem to swirl around in my mind and heart every time I hear the pain of dear friends, thanks for letting me ramble.
Posted by Priscilla Wall on September 16, 2006 03:04 PM
More Thoughts on Marriage/Relationships
Another marriage in crisis has been shared with me. As a result, my mind continues to mull over what else can make a relationship slip away. My prayers continue to be lifted up on their behalf.
I remember a situation many years ago when a beautiful young lady asked me if I thought she was pretty. At first, I was taken aback. I could answer her honestly and emphatically YES! But why did she ask me? Her spouse frequently and "jokingly" made very negative remarks to and about her, especially in public. Though they were disquised by humor, they had cut deep. It made her doubt her value to her husband, and herself.
I see this type of exchange between relationships daily, both in marriage and in other types of relationships. (friends, siblings, co-workers, etc.) I have never seen it produce positive results. If you think about it, we have all been the giver and the receiver of this type of "warfare". We laughingly participate, but at night, in the dark, we cry into our pillow (that's what we women do, what do men do? I don't know). Over time, each remark acts like a drip of water which has the power to erode what is in its path. Eventually, a chasm is formed. A chasm so wide and deep that it doesn't seem passable. Because this erosion happens slowly, we may not even know how it came to be. We just wake up one day and realize our relationship is in trouble.
Another characteristic of this verbal interplay is that it multiplys. Let's say one couple invites another couple over. Someone starts the game rolling by throwing out funny demeaning remarks to and about his/her spouse. Everyone laughs. Then the other couple takes up the game and sends one over to his/her spouse. Everyone laughs. Everone hurts.
This has happened even between myself and my husband. I remember feeling betrayed and hurt. When I brought it up to my husband later, he did the right thing. He apoligized, and we talked about how we would always try to guard each others character by not "playing the game". COMMUNICATION WITH RESPECT It works!
I would be interested in hearing from others who have been hurt by this type of interaction and what if anything you did about it.
A man hath joy by the answer of his mouth: and a word spoken in due season, how good is it! Proverbs 15:23 KJV
A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver. Proverbs 25:11 KJV
Posted by Priscilla Wall at 10:13 PM